The Tucson Citizen
Baxter_Black
April 30, 2001
Seems thar's a difference twixt what I sez 'n' what you hear
COWBOY VOCABULARY MISCONCEPTIONS
This column has an agricultural-cowboy slant. However, I am aware
that urban people (Gentiles, I call them) read it as well. So when I
lapse into my "cowboy vocabulary," I appreciate that some of my
meanings could be unclear.
Listed are some common misconceptions:
Statement: "My whole flock has keds."
Misinterpretation: Sheep are now endorsing tennis shoes.
Statement: "I'm looking to buy some replacement heifers but I want
only polled cattle."
Misinterpretation: His cows are being interviewed by George
Gallup.
Statement: "I'm going to a gaited horse show."
Misinterpretation: A horse performance being held in an exclusive
residential area.
Statement: "I work in a hog confinement facility."
Misinterpretation: She teaches classes in the campus jail at
University of Arkansas.
Statement: "I prefer the Tarentaise over the Piedmontese."
Misinterpretation: He is picky about cheese.
Statement: "They've had a lot of blowouts at the turkey farm this
year."
Misinterpretation: Sounds like they better change tire dealers.
Statement: "This mule is just a little owly."
Misinterpretation: His ears stick up? He's wise beyond his specie
limitation? No, wait, he looks like Benjamin Franklin or Wilford
Brimley?
Statement: "Do you know where I could get a bosal, romal and some
tapaderas?"
Misinterpretation: I'd suggest some place that served Mexican
food.
Statement: "I heard that Speed Williams and Rich Skelton got one
down in five flat."
Misinterpretation: Must be a couple of quick anesthesiologists.
Statement: "I heard Texas has now gotten Brucellosis free."
Misinterpretation: I assume Bruce, who is of Greek origin, finally
got a good lawyer.
Statement: "The beef check off has gone up to a dollar."
Misinterpretation: Not a bad price for a Russian sandwich. I know
the Veal Solzhenitsyn and the Chicken Zhivago are twice that much.
Statement: "You don't have to be a genius to see the team pulls to
the left."
Misinterpretation: Whoever they are were not satisfied with the
election results.
Statement: "I believe that Debouillet has blue bag."
Misinterpretation: She's taken to wearing French fashion
accessories.
Statement: "That horse won't break out of a canter."
Misinterpretation: Then that's what I'd keep him in. Beats tyin'
him to a post.
Statement: "She's wormed, fresh offa wheat grass and showin' a
little ear."
Misinterpretation: A modest stripper on an organic diet has
swallowed her chewing tobacco.
Statement: "You can stick a fork in me."
Correct interpretation: He's done.
Baxter Black - philosopher, cowboy poet and former large animal
veterinarian - is an occasional contributor to National Public
Radio's Morning Edition, which airs from 5 to 9 a.m. weekdays on KUAZ-
FM (89.1) and KUAZ-AM (1550). He makes his home in Benson.
(C) 2001 The Tucson Citizen. via Bell&Howell Information and Learning Company; All Rights Reserved
